Confessions of a broken heart

When things are going well they are really well!! Like life is great! When the sun shines boy does it really shine! However, when it storms man ol' man does it fucking storm! Lately, I have definitely been in the midst of a storm and I try to be positive and think that the sun will shine eventually. And a few bright rays have definitely broken through my clouds of melancholy...
But there is one thing that the sun hasn't been able to brighten.... My relationship and my feelings towards relationships. My boyfriend is a great man and I do love him. However, I am not in love with him and he gets on my damn nerves! Idk how much longer I can torture myself or try and make myself fall in love with him! Especially when I have such close relationships with my ex's. More specifically the guy who I gave my innocence to, and my high school sweetheart who I am in love with. Both of these men are in way different places in their lives than I am. The first guy has a child and a girlfriend, plus he lives a busy life in the streets! My high school sweetheart is married with a little baby...
So that leaves me as being the other woman once again. And I'm not sure if that's where I want to be. But I'm also not sure if I want to be in a relationship!! Ugh!! I could just scream... I'm lonely, pissed off, and have a ton of misplaced affection and emotion... Maybe my issues with men come from my lack of a relationship with my father? Or maybe I've let Mr. Right slip by... Or maybe I should give more of a chance to that guy, the guy who is lame or comes at me all wrong, or maybe the guy who gave me his number in my fb inbox? Or what about the guy that only wants to fuck...maybe If give it to him good enough he will think about actually trying to get to know me or love me...
Nope, I think I'm just supposed to be single forever! But until then... My boyfriend better get his shit together!! Before his application is Denied!!