to hell with you

Everyone has been on hard times lately.... but they keep throwing out "good old" sayings.... little statements of motivation...like...... "after the storm the sun shines", "God never puts more on yo than you can handle", "don't worry the only way you can go it up once you've hit rock bottom", "things will get better for you, just keep your head up" but this one is my favorite "there are people who have things way worse than you"... Well you know what... to hell with those people! Because let me tell you exactly how bad things are for me... and before I proceed let me assure you that this is not a pity party.... just a moment of clarity! An opportunity for me to speak of my life's woes! because some of you think you know.... but you have no idea.... Likewise, I completely
understand that everyone has seen tragedy and hardship in their day.

Oh but today.... today I almost lost it!

I have two bank accounts! One has a balance of $1.11 and the other has a balance of NEGATIVE $55.00...... on top of that I have to maxed out credit cards both of which has a $300 balance, those bills were due on July 9Th.....I paid them on the 12Th....

On July 15Th (three days ago) my phone bill and first months rent for my lease that begins in august. My phone bill is 250 dollars and my first rent payment is 380 dollars. But that's no big deal right?? WRONG for the last two months I have been homeless and car less and now I'm jobless. Yes that's right, I know what you are thinking..."Girl stop being dramatic, things can be worse....what about those people who have it way worse than you?"

To hell with them people!

My father gave me a broke down car and now refuses to get it fixed. On top of that he knows that i am homeless and jobless but he doesn't give a damn to ask me if i need anything or if i am okay and handling it!

My mother just got evicted, her car got reposed, and her lights were cut off for the past week! One of my sisters failed the eight grade, the other one is in summer school because she failed two classes, my youngest brother threaten to kill everyone on my mothers side of the family, and my oldest younger brother is an eighth-grade drop out living life off of a pipe dreaming thinking everyone owes him something.....

So to those of you who are about to tell me things are worse for other people! To hell with you and to hell with them!

I do not believe in a woman living off of a man and I damn sure do not believe in shacking up.... but for the last two months I have depended on my boyfriend more than I have depended on any man or other person in my life! Words alone could not express how much I appreciate this man (but I'll save that for another post).

Back to the subject at hand.... idk how much more of the bottom I can take... I'm tired of working three and four jobs to not make enough money to pay my damn bills.... I'm tired of bill collectors calling my phone.... I want to just give up! I'm tired! I'm so damn tired of feeling alone because I am afraid to open up and discuss my issues....because discussing sounds like complaining and venting sounds like wining....
Whatever you think I am doing or whatever your opinion of this post maybe....to hell with you....because you aren't helping me!!